Children Clamor For Egg Handouts Like The Takers They Are

Americans Prepare To Celebrate Final Easter   By Eliot Nelson and Jeffrey Young A madman with access to nuclear weapons is threatening to start a war in Asia, and Kim Jong-un could get involved at some point, too. Speaking of which, Donald Trump golfed as North Korea threatened a nuclear strike against the South, which sounds like something out of a 2009 GOP press release targeting Barack Obama. And Stephen Miller is Donald Trump’s new point person on women’s issues, so we guess Jared Kushner finally hit his limit. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Friday, April 14th, 2017: MEN WITH BAD HAIR RISKING NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION - *Trump stands over smoldering, radioactive remains of the I-95 corridor* “I make great deals.” Gerry Mullany and Chris Buckley: “China warned on Friday that tensions on the Korean Peninsula could spin out of control, as North Korea said it could test a nuclear weapon at any time and an American naval group neared the peninsula in a show of resolve…. [China] has been trying to steer between the Trump administration’s demands for it to do more to stop North Korea’s nuclear weapons program and its longstanding reluctance to risk a rupture with the North, its neighbor and longtime partner. In a phone conversation with Mr. Trump on Wednesday, China’s president, Xi Jinping, also called for restraint. The North Korean military issued a statement on Friday threatening to attack major American military bases in South Korea, as well as the presidential Blue House, warning that it could annihilate those targets ‘within minutes.’” [NYT] “Trump slaps self in face, again” and other headlines from China. FOX NEWS THIRSTY FOR DEATH - And hungry for modern country music! Andy Campbell: “There’s no better way to get the ‘Fox & Friends’ crew going after breakfast than playing some good ol’ fashioned freedom music and watching a video of an American payload snuffing out the lives of our enemies. The show kicked off its Friday-morning segment with black and white footage of the ‘Mother of All Bombs’ killing as many as 36 alleged Islamic State militants in Afghanistan on Thursday, with a celebratory backdrop of Toby Keith’s ‘Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue.’ As the footage plays and the ‘Fox & Friends’ crew cackles, host Ainsley Earhardt crows, ‘That is what freedom looks like.’” [HuffPost] GREAT NEWS FOR TRUMP’S TANNING MACHINE REPAIRMAN - He’ll no longer be smuggled into the White House in a rolled-up carpet! Zeke Miller: “The Trump Administration will not disclose logs of those who visit the White House complex, breaking with his predecessor, the White House announced Friday. The decision, after nearly three months of speculation about the fate of the records, marks a dramatic shift from the Obama Administration’s voluntary disclosure of more than 6 million records during his presidency. The U.S. Secret Service maintains the logs, formally known as the Workers and Visitors Entry System, for the purpose of determining who can access to the 18-acre complex. White House communications director Michael Dubke said the decision to reverse the Obama-era policy was due to ‘the grave national security risks and privacy concerns of the hundreds of thousands of visitors annually.’ Instead, the Trump Administration is relying on a federal court ruling that most of the logs are ‘presidential records’ and are not subject to the Freedom of Information Act.” [Time] On brand. (via)   Like HuffPost Hill? Then order Eliot’s book, The Beltway Bible: A Totally Serious A-Z Guide To Our No-Good, Corrupt, Incompetent, Terrible, Depressing, and Sometimes Hilarious Government  Does somebody keep forwarding you this newsletter? Get your own copy. It’s free! Sign up here. Send tips/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to eliot@huffingtonpost.com. Follow us on Twitter - @HuffPostHill  RIP GREENLAND - Great news for those of you of the opinion that Springfield, Massachusetts needs more canals. Eric Wolff, Andrew Restuccia and Josh Dawsey: “President Donald Trump’s most senior advisers will huddle next week to resolve long-simmering tensions over whether the United States should stay in the Paris climate change agreement, a major point of dispute between the moderate and nationalist wings of the White House, three administration officials told POLITICO. National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster, EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt, Energy Secretary Rick Perry, senior adviser Jared Kushner and chief strategist Steve Bannon are expected to be at the table. The meeting is tentatively scheduled for Tuesday, but sources cautioned that the timing and number of attendees is still in flux.” [Politico] Haircut: Jeffrey Young (h/t Jeffrey Young)  LOCAL ELECTIONS GIVING DEMOCRATS HOPE - The DNC, presumably, didn’t get too close to these races, lest people start associating it with victory. Jennifer Bendery: “In a spate of local elections last week in Illinois, Democrats picked up seats in places they’ve never won before. The city of Kankakee elected its first African-American, Democratic mayor. West Deerfield Township will be led entirely by Democrats for the first time. Elgin Township voted for ‘a complete changeover,’ flipping to an all-Democratic board. Normal Township elected Democratic supervisors and trustees to run its board ― the first time in more than 100 years that a single Democrat has held a seat… They fit with a broader pattern that should have Republicans on edge ahead of the 2018 elections: Progressive grassroots activism, exploding with energy since President Donald Trump’s win in November, is fueling Democratic gains in GOP strongholds.” [HuffPost] GROSS WEIRDO PUT IN CHARGE OF LADY POLICY - This guy shouldn’t even be allowed in the ladies wear department at Walmart. Emily Peck: “Stephen Miller, a senior adviser to President Donald Trump, is now working on women’s issues in the White House despite having once forcefully argued against paid maternity leave and equal pay legislation, according to unnamed White House officials cited in a Politico report Thursday night…. But Miller’s thinking on women’s issues is troubling, as evidenced by an op-ed he wrote in 2005 as a junior at Duke University. In ‘Sorry feminists,’ he claims that the gender pay gap is a myth. Women make less than men, Miller argues, because men work longer hours, choose higher-paying jobs and take on more dangerous work…. ‘The truth is, even in modern-day America, there is a place for gender roles,’ he adds. ‘I simply wouldn’t feel comfortable hiring a full-time male babysitter or driving down the street and seeing a group of women carrying heavy steel pillars to a construction site.’” [HuffPost] OH DEAR - Today’s Rachel Dolezal Award For Achievements In Really Not Taking The Right Approach To Racial Injustice goes to this person. Annie Waldman: “The new acting head of the U.S. Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights once complained that she experienced discrimination because she is white. As an undergraduate studying calculus at Stanford University in the mid-1990s, Candice Jackson ‘gravitated’ toward a section of the class that provided students with extra help on challenging problems, she wrote in a student publication. Then she learned that the section was reserved for minority students. ‘I am especially disappointed that the University encourages these and other discriminatory programs,’ she wrote in the Stanford Review. ‘We need to allow each person to define his or her own achievements instead of assuming competence or incompetence based on race.’ Although her limited background in civil rights law makes it difficult to infer her positions on specific issues, Jackson’s writings during and after college suggest she’s likely to steer one of the Education Department’s most important — and controversial — branches in a different direction than her predecessors.” [ProPublica] WE’RE DOOMED - David Nakamura: “Privately, Japanese officials say Pikotaro, and his viral song ‘Pen Pineapple Apple Pen,’ helped break the ice between Trump and Prime Minister Shinzo Abe during their first meeting at Trump Tower last November…. Pikotaro was unable to make it to Washington, citing a scheduling conflict that somehow was more important than meeting the president’s daughter in person. But he agreed to make a short video welcoming them and all the other attendees to the reception.” [WaPo] BERNIE’S REVOLUTION COMES TO THE OLD DOMINION - Ryan Grim: “Our Revolution, a progressive group founded in the wake of Bernie Sanders’ 2016 presidential campaign, has thrown its weight behind Tom Perriello in the Democratic primary for Virginia governor, the group’s president, Jeff Weaver, said on Friday…. Our Revolution’s backing comes in the wake of an endorsement by Sen. Sanders himself, who campaigned last Thursday in Virginia with Perriello. ‘Tom’s victory will send a message across this country that people do not want our nation to move in the Trump direction,’ Sanders told The Huffington Post in an interview the day after the rally.” [HuffPost]  TRUMP PUTS HIS FINGERPRINTS ON OBAMACARE - This will come in handy during the investigation into who smothered it to death. Jeffrey Young: “President Donald Trump’s administration has taken its first action to change the way the health insurance marketplaces created by the Affordable Care Act operate, aiming to shore them up for next year’s sign-up period…. The overall consequence of the new rules is that health insurance will be harder to buy in 2018, especially for people whose circumstances change during the year, enabling them to buy policies outside the annual sign-up period. The length of that sign-up period is also cut in half. Other aspects of the regulation could make coverage less comprehensive, reduce the value of the tax credit subsidies that make premiums more affordable for low- and middle-income people, and allow insurers to offer plans with fewer medical providers in their networks.” [HuffPost] BECAUSE YOU’VE READ THIS FAR - Here are some baby goats learning to jump. PARK RANGERS GIVEN A LITTLE MORE TIME TO REFLECT UPON JESUS’ CRUCIFIXION - Only you — and perhaps the all-powerful hand of God — can prevent forest fires. Sarah Emerson: “Praise Jesus, for today, Department of Interior (DOI) staff will receive the greatest gift of all: 59 minutes of time off, courtesy of Secretary Ryan Zinke. ‘A small token of our appreciation for all you do to support the American public…. Employees working Friday may leave 59 minutes earlier than their normal departure time,’ an email sent to all DOI staff and leaked to Motherboard by an employee there said.” [Motherboard] COMFORT FOOD - A virtual reality tour of Mount Everest. - Dog finds its favorite part of a fence. - This year’s best Peeps dioramas. TWITTERAMA @BrandyLJensen: Mike Pence mandates that the Mother of all bombs can only be dropped by female pilots: I’ve created the ultimate liberal paradox @alexheard: Writer’s expense report item of the year: “Dead calf: 100 USD.” @elisefoley: Writing a movie called Twitter Canoe where a reporter and three troll-y dudes fall into a boat during an argument. They fall in love. Got somethi ng to add? Send tips/quotes/stories/photos/events/fundraisers/job movement/juicy miscellanea to Eliot Nelson (eliot@huffingtonpost.com) HuffPost Hill is a humorous evening roundup that scrutinizes the political news of the day. 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